When you have been with other people in your life for a long period of time, living alone is the loneliest thing imaginable. It makes all of the faults you had been finding in the people around you seem insignificant. Knowing you are not going to have to fight for the bathroom is not a victory, it wrenches your insides like a blow to the stomach.
So when I get started in the morning, having my cups of coffee, usually I start looking for products to post on WSOInsiders.com… But lately, I find that I am not focusing on anything. I remember that feeling before, when I was diagnosed with depression – and got hooked on the drugs that make you into a drone. Sure, I was smiling, but I never really felt much of anything.
I suppose I should be happy that I am not on the drugs, that I can feel. Feeling is what makes us human. But when you start missing hair in the bathtub and not getting any of the blankets at night… those are the symptoms of loneliness and they really make you feel human.
I am sure this too will pass. So please do not think I am ignoring you. I will be back to normal one way or another. I just hope it is not the medicated me that you see.
PS – In the wake of the tragedy in Newtown – my problems are small potatoes. I could not imagine the anguish that I would be feeling if I knew that my loved ones have been taken away from me by someone else. Of course, knowing I am responsible does little to console me.
When one door closes, another opens. I just have to make sure I can keep my eyes open and seeing so I don’t miss it.